The title of this blog isn't only the title of a pretty fantastic new HBO show, but, it is also the way to best describe my current emotional and mental climate. Lately, things have been tough. Tougher than usual that is. And don't get me wrong, I am well aware of the tribulations beset on most in these harsh economic times and I don't presume that my problems are half as bad as some out there. But, alas, they are my problems which makes them infinitely worse.

As multiple $1,000,000+ feature film projects fall out from under me and a handful or two music videos follow suit, it has become all to clear that I was merely stumbling across such a rickety suspension bridge in my career. Something that one would assume was sturdy, and would keep, would end up doing just the opposite. And the water down below, as I hurl down in the direction of it, starts to appear as if it has run dry and a rocky unwelcoming riverbed waits for me with an irritating sort of patience.

As long as I can remember I have had two raging personalities battling within my every thought and action. For lack of more descriptive names, lets call them Optimism and Pessimism. Optimism has always been smiling, at some junctions wider than others. But Pessimism is what has so aggressively mutated. What was once a mild-mannered devil perched upon my shoulder is now, with regret, an unstable daemon of depression vying for dominance as it drags Optimism further and further down the rabbit hole.

Who will win? I used to think I knew. Is it possible that I have severe entitlement issues? Probable. Am I perhaps becoming to selfish? Most definitely. They say that the night is darkest before the dawn. Well, that doesn't help someone who may not survive the fucking night now does it?

What I do know is that, like a battery slowly growing ineffective over time, my life has become a series of too many efforts met with too few triumphs.

writing under the influence,